How to have an unplugged wedding without annoying your guests.

It’s one of the awkward parts of planning a modern wedding. How do I impose rules of behaviour on my own guests without rubbing anyone up the wrong way?

It’s a delicate matter, but I bring you good news. When I first started my wedding videography career, it was around the same time that the first smartphones started to emerge with the facility to take good quality photos. Ever since, they’ve been a prominent feature at nearly every wedding I’ve filmed. By 2010 most younger guests would be taking phone snaps and just five years later it seemed that every wedding was awash with technology. From teens to the elderly, everyone was viewing the wedding vista through a little screen.

Since then, there’s been significant resistance against the progressive intrusion of technology at weddings. Today it’s almost expected for guests to be asked not to take photos during the ceremony at least. Therefore there’s no need to feel like it’s rude to make this small request as it’s now common practice.

The question is, how do you tell your godmother that you don’t want to turn round during the ceremony to see her 12.9-inch iPad Pro? Here is my handy step-by-step guide to avoid a harsh etiquette lesson in public civility, instead opting for the gentle approach.

Step one: Plant the seed

From the moment you get engaged, many people will ask you about the plans for your wedding celebrations, which provides you with the first opportunity to tell them.

“There’s one thing of which I’m sure, I’d like to have an unplugged ceremony where everyone just enjoys the moment and doesn’t take pictures. We’ll have a photographer and videographer to document this event on our behalf.”

This should be the first port of call. Your nearest and dearest will have time to digest that their phone is not going to be their ‘plus-one’ for the ceremony. Like a form of influencer marketing, have your family, bridesmaids and groomsmen gently spread the word as part of general conversation.

Step two: Put it in writing

As the wedding date approaches, your wedding invitations will be sent to guests which simultaneously provides you with an opportunity to dish out a further serving of your ‘no photos’ mantra. Many couples will also have a wedding website with additional details about the day allowing you to hit the message home. Your phrasing could be something like this.

“We respectfully request that guests do not take photographs during the ceremony as professional pictures will be taken throughout the day. We invite you to relax, enjoy the moment and we'll gladly share these images with you after the celebration.”

If any invitee has an issue with your policy and can’t bear to be separated from their device for less than thirty minutes, then this is the chance for them to make their excuses and stay away from the wedding.

Step three: The sign (optional)

This step is optional, as if you’ve put in the correct groundwork as detailed as steps one and two, this shouldn’t be necessary. I say this because signs are very difficult to get right. Even if it’s placed on an easel with a crowning eucalyptus garland, it’s still a warning instructing people ‘not to do something’ which can be quite hard for people to swallow.

If you do decide to go nuclear, signs broadly fit into three categories. Which option you choose will depend on your personality and how much your guests’ reaction matters.

A popular approach for how to tell guests not to take pictures at a wedding is one of comedy. A lighthearted way to convey your crucial message. Showing that you don’t take yourselves too seriously is a kind, funny and respectful way to indicate your preferences. Is it okay to take pictures with our phones and cameras during the wedding? Probably not.

Moving on, I present to you the ‘passive-aggressive rhyme’. Whilst some might appreciate your literary prowess or ability to click ‘buy now’ on Etsy, this rarely strikes the right chord with guests and can come across as a little sarcastic and we wouldn’t want that now. Would we?

Finally, if you’re one of those people who likes to ‘call a spade a spade’, then you could just display a fairly blunt message saying ‘no photos’. Perhaps a touch direct, but then if that’s your personality and you suspect guests might have the desire to film your entire wedding in vertical format, then it might just do the trick.

Looking for an 'unplugged wedding sign?’, these examples are not available in stores and are exclusive to this website. I probably wouldn’t recommend using this particular unplugged wedding wording either!

Step four: The registrar pronounces ‘No photos during wedding ceremony’

The guests are seated as you nervously wait for your wedding ceremony to begin. At this moment your celebrant will make an announcement about phones and cameras at your request. At my wedding we were offered this as part of our interview and from experience, registrars always phrase this in a kind and well-meaning way that will not offend or alienate the congregation.

At a recent wedding in Cotswolds wedding, the registrar from the Gloucestershire registration service used the following unplugged officiant wording.

“Please make sure your phones are on silent, we have a videographer and the photographer will be taking photos throughout. Once the couple have signed the official marriage register, we’ll place a blank registry in front of them and you’ll have the opportunity to take a few photos yourselves”

Registrars are true professionals in using the right words and a fitting tone for the celebration. Here it meant that there were no guests taking photos during the vital moment where Rachel walked up the aisle or really at any point during the ceremony. With the wedding film (and I imagine photos) made available to share with a private gallery online, everyone was able to relive the ceremony shortly after the event.

Step five: Forget about everything and enjoy the moment

You’ve spread the word, put a written request on the invitations / website and the registrar has reminded guests before you walk up the aisle. Chances are, everyone will remember and will just have their eyes focused on you and your beloved exchange vows. But maybe someone will become excited and will still subconsciously whip out their camera during the ceremony. Well, so be it. It’s a live event and if an iPad wielding uncle takes a few pictures too, it doesn’t really matter. You’ll have worked so hard to make it a success and nobody can get in the way of that.